aziraphale (aziraphale13) wrote,

I am jack's burning anger

I am incredibly, totally, and completely fed up with my job right now. There is a double standard, where my immediate superior is holding me to things she doesn't hold herself to at all.

Tonight I listened to a store voicemail (only myself and my manager theoretically have access to it) where I was called out on not helping on the floor when I was engaged in administrative tasks and spending a long amount of time talking to friends while at work.

These are horrible things.

However, perhaps the fact that I didn't want to help because I came in at 8:30AM when I was scheduled for 1:00PM, and was working under a very hard deadline came into play. Perhaps the fact that I worked straight from 8:30AM to 11:30PM has something to do with not wanting to help. Oh, and perhaps the reason I came in early was because I spent all the allocated time for my tasks on the previous day fixing other people's fuckups on stuff that was taken away from me so I could become "focused" on my development. Perhaps I was talking to my friends because my shift had ended an hour earlier but I had stayed because everyone needed my help.

Perhaps I routinely work more than 40 hours a week even though I'm only punched in for 40. I am non-exempt salary, which means I accrue overtime hours. Of course, if I go into overtime all hell breaks loose. So I essentially break company policy to help others, and I am repaid by people talking behind my back and having negative feedback delivered to me over fucking voicemail when I saw my superior three hours before on our two hours of shift overlap.

After listening to the voicemail, I pretty much exploded, venting at a coworker who should not be hearing this but I think I trust. Unfortunately, now all I can think about is that the venting will somehow get out and become more ammunition to use against me.

I chose a really bad time to start living by myself. If I didn't have such high expenses and truely need the health insurance, I would have walked out tonight.

I need another job, I need to go back to school, I need to do something. Somehow, someone is telling me that what I'm doing right now just isn't going to work, even in the short term.
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i may be completely over-simplifying things.
you work for a chain.
is there any chance
of getting transferred to a less screwed up store?
what if you were to move out of the area?
would they be willing to place you in another store?
unfortunately, since I'm in management, transferring to another store in the area is out, unless they promote me (which seems unlikely with the current situation, but who can tell)

if i move out of the area, the company is usually very good about transferring and placing in other places.

in the end, i'm not especially into 90% of what I'm doing day to day, and I love the other 10% (the 10% which was the company's focus 4 years ago, and is becoming less and less so, at least here). because of that, i don't see keeping a long term investment with the company, and I'm more and more coming to find that training and facilitating are my real strengths, so if I'm still not really finding any financial return from my passions in life, I may turn to more of that kind of career.

or maybe i'll get hit by a bus.
hey, that really sucks. i really hope things turn around for you soon. if you ever decide to go on vacation, you have a place to stay in dc. i'll give you a call soon since its been too long since we've talked.