Tonight I listened to a store voicemail (only myself and my manager theoretically have access to it) where I was called out on not helping on the floor when I was engaged in administrative tasks and spending a long amount of time talking to friends while at work.
These are horrible things.
However, perhaps the fact that I didn't want to help because I came in at 8:30AM when I was scheduled for 1:00PM, and was working under a very hard deadline came into play. Perhaps the fact that I worked straight from 8:30AM to 11:30PM has something to do with not wanting to help. Oh, and perhaps the reason I came in early was because I spent all the allocated time for my tasks on the previous day fixing other people's fuckups on stuff that was taken away from me so I could become "focused" on my development. Perhaps I was talking to my friends because my shift had ended an hour earlier but I had stayed because everyone needed my help.
Perhaps I routinely work more than 40 hours a week even though I'm only punched in for 40. I am non-exempt salary, which means I accrue overtime hours. Of course, if I go into overtime all hell breaks loose. So I essentially break company policy to help others, and I am repaid by people talking behind my back and having negative feedback delivered to me over fucking voicemail when I saw my superior three hours before on our two hours of shift overlap.
After listening to the voicemail, I pretty much exploded, venting at a coworker who should not be hearing this but I think I trust. Unfortunately, now all I can think about is that the venting will somehow get out and become more ammunition to use against me.
I chose a really bad time to start living by myself. If I didn't have such high expenses and truely need the health insurance, I would have walked out tonight.
I need another job, I need to go back to school, I need to do something. Somehow, someone is telling me that what I'm doing right now just isn't going to work, even in the short term.